Affinity
by Waffleness
Summary: "I don't have any intentions of being friends with you. Sorry." Spoilers up to Chapter 34
1. Chapter 1

"_I don't have any intentions of being friends with you. Sorry."_

Mizutani Shizuku sighed. That was the third time in a single hour that she thought of that particular phrase. At the moment it was uttered, Mizutani had not completely registered the finality of it. Yamaken-kun was out of her life for what seemed for good.

Shizuku placed her mechanical pencil on her open notebook and rubbed her eyes. Studying was not coming easily this time around and she couldn't put her finger on it.

'_It's because of what he said,_'her inner thoughts pointed out obviously. Shizuku didn't want to admit that that was the cause of her distraction. She reasoned pointedly with herself that if he didn't want to be friends with her, then she had to understand.

'_But just because I understand doesn't mean...'_ she paused her own thoughts, not liking the territory in which she was headed. The rubbing of her eyes became a pinching of the bridge of her nose. Her forehead scrunched up and she sighed once more, relaxing her features.

Deciding that she was getting nowhere studying in the library, Mizutani quietly shut her notebook. She laid her head upon folded arms and stared into the shelves of books across from her.

The din of the library was soft and soothing and Mizutani soon felt her eyes growing heavy. The temperature of the room was cool and comfortable and Shizuku shivered delightedly in her seat.

Not exerting any effort to fight off sleep, the pig-tailed girl decided to give into her body's demands for a time. Her thoughts drifted lazily for a moment, however, and she thought once more of the yellow-headed boy.

'_Doesn't mean... that I don't miss his company...'_

_'Please don't tell me...'_

A boy wearing a blue Kaimei academy uniform paused hesitantly while walking down a library aisle. A little ways off, he spotted what seemed to be a highly familiar hairstyle strewn across a table.

He debated with himself for a moment on whether he should go up to her or not. Yamaguchi Kenji, or more commonly known, Yamaken, sighed heavily and ran an irritated hand through his yellow hair. He continued to stand in one place, watching her sleep peacefully among her study books.

Yamaken knew that with his last words said to her, that he had meant them. He told himself constantly that this was the only path left for him in regards to... Haru's girl. She didn't like him... and no matter what his confidence tried to exhibit, perhaps she never would. He figured it was the right thing to sever ties; seeing as though the very sight of her set him on edge. Yamaken was calm around her after the confession and they exchanged just as few words as previously. It was almost as if he had never confessed at all. But it hanged in the air regardless and the Kaimei student knew he had to let her go for good.

Yamaken stood deathly still.

The prospect of not talking to Mizutani ever again churned uncomfortably in his stomach.

Yamaken gripped the book in his hand tightly and fought the urge to sit across from the sleeping girl. His foot betrayed him as it took a tentative step towards her, followed by another and another until he was silently pulling out a chair to sit down.

Mizutani was still dozing away; the tips of her eyelashes grazing gently against her pale skin. Yamaken watched her for a moment before yanking his gaze to the window instead.

'_What the heck am I doing...'_ Yamaken felt suddenly foolish, running his fingers once more through his now unruly hair. Sneaking a glance once more, he decided he had enough with torturing himself and got up to leave.

As he was turning to step away and forget the sleeping girl behind him, he heard a groggy whisper.

"Yamaken-kun..."

The boy in question stiffened for a moment at being caught. He had to play it cool, however, so he turned around and with a blank expression spoke only her name, "Mizutani-san."

Expecting to leave it at that, Yamaken made to turn around once more but the girl rose from her sleeping position to speak again.

Rubbing her eyelids, Mizutani whispered in a tired voice, "I thought you were never going to speak to me again." Whether it was from the daze of newly released sleep or not, Shizuku started at the bluntness of her own words. And how hopeful they came out sounding.

Yamaken also held a bewildered expression for a moment before finally composing himself.

"I... I said I didn't wish to be friends," Yamaken wracked his brain for a suitable answer to the surprisingly inquiry. For a second he thought she sounded genuinely concerned. He shook the ridiculous notion off and continued calmly, "not..." Yamaken paused. He himself was not sure what he wanted to say at this point.

Mizutani remained stoic as ever, "not...?" she urged him to continue. Her eyes became imploring and Yamaken was having trouble looking at her. This was not as easy as it was before. He thought he was better than this. But it seems as the days had flown by and he had fought to avoid her company, talking no longer came easily.

"I don't know what to say," Yamaken finished lamely, hanging his head to the side in embarrassment. Mizutani's inquiring look was beginning to bore into him and he could no longer handle it.

They sat in a weary silence for a minute or two, before Mizutani, now fully awake, spoke plainly as she always does.

"After..." she hesitated, settling her eyes to the books before her instead of looking up, "you told me you didn't want to be friends, I understood."

Yamaken looked at her with the side of his eye, listening intently.

"And I have dealt with not having friends before so I figured the idea would not bother me as greatly as it did."

At this, Yamaken fully turned to look at her, mouth slightly parted. She raised her gaze to meet his.

"I remember something you once said to me about how people who are alone cannot feel lonely. At the time, it really struck a chord. I had always been alone and so I didn't feel badly."

A crimson blush rose steadily upon Mizutani's face and she rubbed as if to wipe her heated cheeks away. Her eyes shifted to the side once more and she continued.

"When I got Haru and Natsume and Sasayan as friends, I realized I didn't feel different because previously I never felt lonely at my lack of company."

The boy opposite her was leaning forward now, waiting for her to finish. All notions of leaving were lost on him for the time being. The sun set hazily in the window behind the two conversing teens but neither took notice of it.

"Becoming... friends... with you, I took no notice of it either. When we would speak of studying and books, it felt... natural. It was different from the conversations I would have with the others..."

The red on Shizuku's face was blooming in full force now. The embarrassment of her admittance was clearly advertised to any and all who might have seen her.

"When you told me you didn't want to be friends with me anymore, I felt something I was unsure of. I..."

"Stop, Mizutani-san, please."

The Yamaguchis' son held up a hand in a pleading gesture, his other hand splayed across his face in apparent pain. Hearing her speak like this was making him upset and it was obvious that she was struggling and that pained him more.

"You do not have to explain this to me. There would be no point." Yamaken's expression was hardened and he could not bring himself to look at the blushing girl across from him. He didn't want nor need an explanation as to why she couldn't be with him. Or why she feels the way she does. Or why she...

Yamaken paused in his own thoughts, staring almost angrily ahead. No matter what she said now, would make no difference other than to hurt him further. Yamaken pushed himself back in his chair.

"Wait, please, Yamaken-kun." Shizuku had a palm in the air, urging the boy to stay.

At the pleading in her voice, Yamaken paused but slowly continued to prepare his departure.

Mizutani spoke quickly now, "I'd like to explain please, if you'll listen." Yamaken looked at her now with a stony expression. She was not deterred, "When you told me you didn't want to be friends anymore, I felt..." Mizutani sighed for the fifth time that day.

"I felt lonely."

Her words were nothing but a whisper but the blonde boy heard them all the same in the quiet of the library. He was staring straight at her now.

"You're the only friend I've made that I can talk to completely and honestly. About the things that matter to me and about different studying techniques..." Shizuku's eyes turned up slowly to peer at Yamaken's expression. It was unreadable.

"I've never lost a friend before... I didn't want to lose you as a friend. I don't think, even now, no matter how I reason with it, that I want to never not see you again."

That last few sentences of her explanation came out in a rushed jumble. Mizutani's cheeks were still fully alight, and she crossed her arms as a barrier from Yamaken's piercing gaze. He was looking at her dumbfounded as she spoke. Apparently shocked at the feelings she was confessing to him. It felt impossible to him that she might've felt this way; that she honored their exchanges as more than a simple acquaintanceship.

Another fit of silence passed before it was broken by the overhead loud speaker, "_The library will be closing in five minutes! Please make your way to the check-out stand."_

In those brief seconds,Yamaken moved towards the girl, gripped the sleeve of her arm tightly and said, "come."


	2. Chapter 2

"_If you can't give up one, learn to balance both at the same time."_

Yamaken was still holding onto Shizuku's arm when they left the building. He was breathing slightly ragged; not the picture of calm that he usually exhibited. His blonde hair covered his eyes and all Shizuku could see was his open mouth. It was set in a grimace.

The pair stopped in an alleyway a little ways from the library with Shizuku pressed up against the wall. Yamaken was holding her tightly still and it began to sting.

"Yamaken-kun, can you let me-"

"_Why_?!"

Yamaken yelled suddenly with a voice filled with rage. His eyes were still downcast and his chest was heaving. Shizuku's eyes widened in surprise but she continued as calmly as she could, raising her hand to rest on Yamaken's clenching one.

"Because it hurts..."

The yellow haired boy looked up then, confused with her answer. He quickly glanced at his hand clutched onto her jacket and released immediately. He put the hand next to her head on the stonewall. His anger had not yet dissipated.

"No-," he looked around exasperatedly, "why... why _him?! And why are you telling me all this now! Why can't I..."_

Yamaken's hands dropped to his side, the wind knocked out from him. Shizuku was stock still, unsure of what to say or how she could possibly answer. 'Why... him?' Shizuku mulled over the question in her mind. The question warranted thought but surprisingly, she could not answer it for herself.

She suddenly thought back to something she told Natsume about how Haru must have liked her simply because she was close at hand. The thought made Shizuku confused and she quickly shook her head to dispel the thought.

"I don't know..." Mizutani whispered in response. Her face was slowly growing red at Yamaken's close proximity but he didn't seem to take notice. He took a step back and put a hand to his face, furiously wiping at his eyes.

In the dim shine of the alley, Shizuku saw a reflection of light upon Yamaken's face. It was damp with what seemed to be tears. Her breath caught in her throat and she found she could not move from her spot against the wall.

"Why can't I... just not like you anymore...?" Yamaken seemed to be directing this question towards himself. He took further steps backwards with his face still towards to floor as if he refused to look at the shocked girl standing mere feet away.

"Yamaken-" Shizuku reached out a hand. Without thinking, she found herself stepping forward, reaching her arms up to embrace the crying boy. She thought better of it and returned her arms to her side. The scene was familiar to her... though this time the tears were not happy ones. She stepped back hesitantly.

"I'm-"

"This is embarrassing..." Yamaken cut Mizutani off and looked up. His eyes were slightly red but his demeanor was improved. His back stood straight and his golden eyes held a new determined look to them.

"Whenever I talk to you, I _always_ feel this way. And whenever I'm away from you, I think how this is easier than I thought. But then it's always the same. And I see you now at the library and you say all this stuff-! I can't handle it."

Yamaken walked towards the opening of the alleyway at two strides at a time.

He looked back at her, "When I said I didn't want to be friends anymore, I..." he faltered for a moment, "I- I meant it. I don't want to see you. I'm sorry, Mizutani-san."

With those final words, Yamaken walked swiftly out from the alleyway, not even pausing to glance back at the shaken girl.

A few moments passed and Shizuku had yet to move from her spot on the wall. The words of Yamaken were still processing through her mind and she looked to the floor. The ground was slightly damp.

'He was crying...' Shizuku thought to herself. Seeing him in tears had shocked her; that the pain of her words was enough to incite such a reaction.

Mizutani suddenly felt a deep guilt. She had never intended to make Yamaken feel such a way and the regret she was feeling was astounding. Unsure of her next actions, Shizuku simply walked out of the alley in silence.

Looking left and right down the sidewalk, she hoped to see a mop of bumbling yellow hair, but saw none.

She decided to head home.

* * *

Laying in bed that night, Shizuku thought once more about what she said all those days ago. She felt guilty for thinking them but had an inexplicable urge to unfold her emotions.

She rolled over on her side and stared blankly into the darkness. 'Why do I like Haru?' Her mind flashed back to one of her first encounters with the eccentric boy. He called her his friend. He had tears in his eyes. She hugged him. He kissed her...

'He told me he loved me...'

The exact moment when Shizuku fell in love with Haru was lost in a whirlwind of memories and experiences. That day on the roof, she thought, surely is when I knew I was in love.

'Haru was one of my first friends.' Shizuku turned back and forth until she was flat on her back staring at the ceiling. It felt stuffy in her room but it was cold at the same time.

'Yamaken was one of my first friends...'

Mizutani shut her eyes tightly, trying to dispel the thoughts that popped up into her mind when she thought about the blonde. His words of advice, cram school, helping him when he was lost. There was no doubt to her that they were friends. It had happened without her even noticing.

It was weird, she mused, how Yamaken's own advice about balancing both studying and a life was now applying to her current situation. How could she balance both Haru and Yamaken?

After minutes of contemplation, exhausted took over and Shizuku finally fell asleep.

* * *

Author's Note: Are notes still allowed? Anyway, one of my biggest qualms with writing fanfiction is that I am always worried about OOCness. It is a problem that many writers suffer with and I work hard to guess at how a character might react in a certain situation without appearing too far-fetched. It must be taken with a grain of salt however. The characters in this work are two that I am only slightly familiar with. The anime, after all, was only 13 episodes and even the manga only revealed so much. I did my best. And though I know that barely anyone will ever read this, it's good practice for me! Thank you to anyone who reads and reviews. Sorry if the grammar or spelling or such is a little off. I'm not too concerned with the syntax of things, I just want to try and get a decent story out. Thanks again!


	3. Chapter 3

"_If you don't hold any regret in your choice, that means you must've made the right decision."_

Shizuku was back at the library the next week. More than frequently she peered around at the quiet bookshelves as if expecting someone to appear. Her mouth fell in a grim line and she continued her work.

"_I have to beat Haru_, _if it's the last thing I do," _was her determined mantra. It was strange, she thought, to feel so jealous about his ability to just... always do well when she required hours upon hours of study and work. Sometimes briefly she would acknowledge the futility of her hard work and Shizuku would ponder the possibility of simply giving up her fruitless endeavors. But as soon as such an idea arose, she shook it immediately from her mind. Why would she even consider something like that...

Her pencil grew lax in her fingers and she paused in her writing for a second. A certain problem was giving her a little more trouble than usual. Shizuku skimmed her notes for any sort of clue or equation she might've been missing but found nothing.

For a moment she considered calling Haru for help but stopped herself. "I cannot," Mizutani whispered aloud, "give him the satisfaction..."

Not that Haru would be particularly prideful at knowing something Shizuku did not, the blow to Shizuku's ego would be too much at this point. She bit her lip, grimaced and stared hard at the paper before her as if it would present the answer at any given moment.

Shizuku's hands itched at her cell phone for a second time, desperate for help but not so enough that she would give in to Haru. At this very moment, he was (hopefully) seeking solace somewhere other than her own home.

_You're avoiding him_, said a quiet voice in the back of her head. Shizuku ignored it completely and continued staring at the paper. This, however, yield little result. For a second the obvious choice to her was to skip the infernal problem for another day but the stubborn, prideful side of her refused.

_There is someone... else you could call_, spoke up the quiet voice again. Shizuku's shoulders slumped and she placed down her pencil. The tenseness in her fingers relaxed and she turned to the window. It was a bright afternoon, a wonderful day to be outside but she condemned herself to a life time of study. She preferred it this way, after all.

Shizuku looked at her phone again. It sat idly on the table. She quietly picked up the seldom used device and opened it. Scrolling through her contacts she stopped one a particular name she knew she had. It was one of her first numbers inputed...

_Yamaguchi Kenji_, read the lighted screen. Shizuku looked at it blankly for a few moments, unsure of her next actions. She should know better after their last encounter. Did her mere presence cause the blonde pain? Her grip tightened and she fought the minute urge to press the "call" button.

Any possibility of work was out the door at this moment. Shizuku leaned far back in the library chair. It was hard and uncomfortable; not the usual stiffness that she was accustomed to. It bothered her to such an extreme that she stood up, packed her bag, and angrily left the library. She comically stomped her feet for good measure and flung the doors shut on her way out.

* * *

Yamaguchi Kenji was lost.

He had been on his way to meet with a pretty girl his friends had suggested to him. After moments of prodding and harassment, Yamaken had finally given in to his idiotic friends' demands and agreed to meet said girl.

Yamaken had refused at first because of a reason he couldn't admit. And when his friends pressured him for a response, his usual cool indifference was failing him. He agreed before they could notice a crack in his demeanor. It was better that his friends not find any more reasons to embarrass and demean him as a man. Yamaguchi Kenji was proficient at seducing women and he refused to acknowledge any sort of failure in that aspect.

However, Yamaken was lost. And also, it seemed, very late.

Sweat trailed on his forehead as he glanced once more at his phone and saw the dwindling hours that had gone by. He wouldn't be surprised if the girl had gotten impatient enough to leave by then. The thought only made him momentarily sad until he realized how much it truly didn't matter to him.

He sighed at the thought and instead turned suddenly into what seemed a quiet place for him to rest away from the heat.

It was a tiny bookstore that seemed locally owned. The shelves were stacked high with dusty editions and yet brimmed with youthful glow. The books here were a mix of old and modern and yet the organization was impressive. Yamaken skimmed the aisles for anything that would possibly be of interest to him.

A panel reading "Textbooks/ Academic_" _caught his eye and he ventured forth. The shelves were surprisingly high and only when Yamaken turned a sharp corner did he see the figure bent solemnly over a math "Advanced Questions and Answers" book.

"_Ah!"_ Yamaken hissed before ducking behind an adjacent bookshelf. Mizutani looked up questionably at the noise but quickly returned to her scanning of the pages.

"_What is _SHE _doing here?"_ Yamaken almost wanted to laugh at the irony of it all. He shook his head and gave a sardonic smile. "_I am truly being tortured, it seems..."_ He stood stock still among the mixture of old and new books. If he left his position, he would surely be spotted. Yamaken planned to wait however long it took before Shizuku decided to leave of her own accord. There was no idea in his mind of an encounter with her today, especially after what he had last said to her.

"_God and she saw me crying too..."_ Yamaken put an embarrassed hand over his glowing cheeks at the memory. A temporary weakness, he reasoned.

Minutes passed and Shizuku was still as absorbed in the book as when he had first spotted her. She changed her position from leaning on the shelf to one crouched upon the ground. Shizuku was mumbling to herself.

"_She sounds angry,_" thought Yamaken from his hiding place, _"what on Earth is she reading..."_

Shizuku forcibly flipped a page. "This book doesn't tell me anything I don't already know." With that, she placed the book back in its rightful position and straightened herself out.

Yamaken let out a relieved breath, hoping she would finally turn to leave. He propped himself up and got up to move but paused again when he heard Shizuku bring down another heavy volume.

He slumped back again and consigned himself to another few minutes of waiting.

...

Unfortunately those few minutes spanned a considerably long time. With each hurled insult at another inanimate book, Yamaken grew hopeful... only to be shot down by another pounding of a heavy cover. He was sitting on the floor now, feeling more and more ridiculous by the second.

"_She could be here all night..."_ he resigned to his fate. At one point he considered simply giving up and walking straight in her view, out the door. But it would have seemed suspicious had he been hiding behind there all this time. He could do nothing but wait for Mizutani to leave.

From his spot on the ground, Yamaken closed his eyes for a brief moment, thinking perhaps he could get a few minutes of sleep while the pig-tailed girl poured obsessively over her books.

With his eyes shut, he could hear clearer to the commotion happening so close by. Eventually Shizuku's harsh page turning softened and he could hear her shift and the rustling of her bag.

"I should just call him..." Shizuku said determinably aloud. Yamaken briefly pictured Haru's face in his mind and frowned. Of course she would be calling him for-

Yamaken's eyes shot open. A familiar ringing sound was blaring from his pocket; seemingly at full volume. He fumbled for his cell phone in a desperate attempt to shut the annoying thing off... but not before glancing at the caller ID.

_Mizutani Shizuku, _read the mockingly bright screen accompanied by the cheerful ring tone. _"This is a joke,"_ he thought instinctively, but did not reach to answer the device. He quickly pressed a button to silence the tune.

Yamaken sighed and slumped back again the shelf, hoping to all hope that Shizuku had dismissed the loud ringing sound as something to be ignored. But knowing his luck, he was wrong to hope at all.

"Yamaken-kun?" said a puzzled voice. Said blonde stiffened and turned a creaking head in the voice's direction. As the World would have it, Shizuku was standing above him, holding a book as large as her head and looking slightly more frazzled than usual.

Yamaken could do nothing but stare at her. Embarrassed and aching from sitting for so long, he was running through his mind any and all excuses possible as to why he was hiding there in the first place. His blushing face was betraying him and he cursed himself for being stupid enough to wander into the most _obscure_ place on the planet and _still_ manage to run into the one person he had been working so desperately to avoid.

"Ah- um," was his intelligent reply. Yamaken straightened up but with a looming blush, he attempted to compose himself. "I was-"

"Could you help me solve a math problem I've been having trouble with? It's been bothering me for quite a while." Shizuku produced scribbled worksheets from her bag and placed them on the floor in front of him. She crouched down upon her knees and took out a pencil.

Yamaken was looking at her, incredulous. A strange anger bubbled up inside him and he fought the urge to yell. "_Who does she think she is,"_ he thought, "_and after everything I last said to her!?"_

The anger slowly dissipated however when a thought occurred to him. "Did you... try to call me?"

Shizuku looked up at him at that but quickly returned her gaze to the floor. "Ah, yes, that was me. Sorry, I hope you don't mind. You were the only person I could think to call. I hope that was okay..."

Shizuku was trying to hide a soft pink that was beginning to form upon the tips of her cheeks.

Yamaken sat looking at her, his mouth was slightly parted. He figured for a moment, that maybe, for Shizuku, this was her attempt at trying to make peace with him. Even after everything he said to her, she was still trying to find reasons or excuses to speak with him. The idea made Yamaken flustered and he quickly relinquished the thought. He figured instead that she was so desperate for help and oblivious to such emotions that interaction or not made little to no difference either way.

He quietly consented that that was the truth and looked down at the paper.

AN: Sorry for the long wait! And for a long chapter where basically nothing happens anyway. Haha, please enjoy. I wish the manga was quicker to update... I could use some painful inspiration to urge me to continue. Thank you to the few that read! Any commentary at all is helpful.


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